Ama

At home I like to imagine myself as a pretty emotionally stable person. That’s not to say I don’t get upset, angry, sad, frustrated, ecstatic, etc. But I generally know where the emotions come from; I can rationalize them, and handle them accordingly.

Bhutan has been a different story. I don’t know what it is about life here, but emotions have a way of sneaking up on me and totally consuming me for that hour, day, or even week.

For example, I was bouncing along last week, completely content and at peace with life when my mood cracked. Not in the middle of teaching a rowdy class or some other stressful situation like you’d imagine. I was simply sitting in the staff room, listening to music on my headphones, and grading some essays when apparently I decided I was over it all. I didn’t want to grade any more notebooks, prepare any more lessons, and I sure as heck didn’t want to walk back into the classroom and attempt to tame the wild beasts.

Of course I survived that momentary collapse of my mentality, and I’ve survived many others. But I still don’t understand what triggers them.

But today was a little different. Today I miss my mom. I know exactly where it came from and it actually feels good to be able to pinpoint that. I never know if talking to people back home makes me feel better or worse afterwards. It’s like my brain adjusts to being in a long distance relationship with EVERONE I love back home, but then the internet allows me to talk to them and it reminds me exactly how wonderful they are and how much I’m missing by not being with them.

And my mom is a special person to begin with. Who do I miss when I’m sick and have to take care of myself? My mom. Who have I seriously learned to appreciate for being a human dedicated to cooking and feeding me? My mom. Who do I now realize must have spent way too much energy cleaning up after me because I cant even clean up after myself when I live alone? My mom. Who do I think of when I go hiking because she has “always had a dream of climbing a mountain”? My mom.

She has given more to me than any other human being (with the exception of my dad? Not sure you can put them into a hierarchy.) I DEFINITLY wouldn’t be here in Bhutan right now if I had had someone else for a mother.

I know everyone (or most very very fortunate people) like to claim that they have the “best mom in the world”. I hope that is true for everyone. I also know that I am feeling “Bhutan emotional” - but I especially know that I can undoubtedly say that mine is the best mom in the world for me. The person that I am has needed, and continues to need, the person that she is.

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This post has had almost nothing to do with Bhutan but what’s the point of having a blog if I can’t take the liberty to write about whatever the hell I want to write about.

More on Bhutan next time.

Peace ~ Love ~ And GoHugYourMom

- compliments of a class IV student -